


we both left each other to die (and I don't know how we both survived)

by multifanwho



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, One Shot, Short One Shot, WELL WASN'T THAT EPISODE A RIDE, spoilers for series twelve finale, thasmin hug, the Hug we deserved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:14:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22977463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifanwho/pseuds/multifanwho
Summary: After a year and a half of life back on Earth, Yaz thought she would never hear that sound again. Let alone see her.
Relationships: Thasmin - Relationship, Thirteen/Yaz, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 20
Kudos: 220





	we both left each other to die (and I don't know how we both survived)

**Author's Note:**

> this is very spoiler heavy but THEY SHOULD HAVE HUGGED

Yaz thought she would never hear that noise again. Ever. Not even on her deathbed. She thought she was dead. No regeneration, nothing, just dead with her planet and the Master with her. But she’s hearing it. A whole year and a half after she sent them back the familiar sounds of the TARDIS materializing are hitting her eardrums with a force. She wishes she wasn’t alone- wishes she was at least with her parents or Ryan or Graham or just someone to tell her they can hear it too.

Soon she doesn’t have to rely on her ears because she can see it. That little blue box. Yaz has to freeze, she doesn’t trust herself to move in case the vision fades but her body has to blink. So she blinks.

She blinks. The vision stays.

She blinks again. 

The door creaks in that awful way that used to grate on her ears but now she embraces it. She’s missed it. Gods she’s missed _her._

She keeps her eyes closed until she can smell her. She smells bad, really bad- who knows where she’s been. Probably somewhere without a shower but hey, if this is real Yaz might ask if it’s possible to bottle the sent forever. The moment she feels the Doctor stop in front of her- if it is the Doctor- Yaz forces herself to open her eyes. This trickery is painful and she’s been through enough. She needs to either prove or disprove this phantom as soon as possible. 

She is dirty. She is hardened behind the eyes as if she is a thousand years older than before. Her hair is still blonde and her coat is ripped at the sleeves but the Doctor is here in front of her. This enigmatic, beautiful, amazing, astounding creature is standing in front of her waiting for her to react.

“This isn’t real.” Yaz whispers, her lips trembling like the warning shocks before an earthquake.

“Oh, Yasmin Khan… what did I do to you?”

Yaz notes that she sounds broken. Cursed- by her own actions no less. Yaz thinks a lot about that day and what would have happened if she had never let go of her arm. She thought hiding in a cyber suit was hard.

Leaving the Doctor to die alone on her already dead planet was soul destroying.

“You’re not real- you can’t be real. I’m going mad.” Yaz says, screwing her eyes shut again hoping all of this will go away. She’s already grieved the Doctor once she does not need or want to have to go through it again.

“Yaz please.”

“Stop it.”

“You’re not dreaming.” The Doctor sighs. Yaz senses her arms reaching out to touch her but Yaz can’t think she can handle it so she takes a step back. The Doctor gives her the space she needs and doesn’t follow.

“I am.” Yaz nods, trying to shake the time lord away- away like she’s tried to send her away for months.

“Yaz please look at me, I’m real-”

“No you’re not!”

Anger tips Yaz over the edge and she shoves the Doctor backwards by her shoulders. She’s not as strong as she was before, and this time the Doctor doesn’t move or tell Yaz to back away. The control is utterly and totally in Yaz’s hands. Although, her breathing is becoming erratic and she thinks she might just faint if she tries to fight her.

“Yes I am.” The Doctor timidly steps forward so that she can reach her wrist. Her touch. It’s insane that something like this can feel so real and for the first time during this whole encounter Yaz entertains the idea that this image of the Doctor might be real. “Feel.”

The Doctor insists on lifting Yaz’s hand up to hold it in the center of her chest. Yaz can feel how warm she is and that’s what breaks her. Tears flow so easily out of her eyes as she realises this is real. The Doctor has come back to her. She didn’t even bother to register the two heats pulsing between her palm faster than she has ever _ever_ felt them.

“I’m sorry.” The Doctor says with broken syllables, fighting hard to keep it together. How long has she been keeping it together?

“You’re an idiot.” Yaz mutters.

“I know.” The Doctor agrees.

“I hate you.” Yaz spits through her gritted teeth, saliva hitting the Doctor’s cheek but she does not wipe her trace away.

The Doctor gulps. “I thought you would.”

“Tell me- tell me I’m dreaming.” Yaz feels like getting on her knees and begging however she’s afraid she will never get back up.

“I can’t do that.” The Doctor shakes her head. That’s when Yaz notices her hair is longer, but mauled at the end like she’s had to bite it off to keep it short- keep a sense of the identity she was before.

“Why not!” Yaz ends up shouting again even though the Doctor is staying incredibly still and calm. It’s unfair that she can keep herself collected at a time like this.

“Because you’re not dreaming.”

Heavy moments pass in the charged air between them until Yaz bravely summons the energy to do what she’s dreamt of for a year and a half. Actually, that’s a lie. Yes, she does move to slap the Doctor’s cheek and the Doctor herself ever braces for the impact but Yaz’s hand behaves without a ruling and cups the Doctor’s cheek instead, allowing Yaz something to grasp onto as she lets their lips meet with a force.

They’re both tense at first. So horribly tense and frozen in time but neither pull away and like ice against a burning pit of heat, of rage, of destruction Yaz melts. She melts into the Doctor’s arms and thankfully whatever the Doctor’s been through she has the strength left to keep them both up for about ten seconds before they both fall to the wet grass beneath them on their knees. And still they do. Not. Break. Instead they move against each other like if they let go they will crumble. She’s so soft. After all this the Doctor feels so soft against her and it softens all sharp edges Yaz has developed to keep the Doctor from hurting her again.

Yaz only pulls back to breathe and the Doctor stares at her, wondering what’s going to happen next. Whether Yaz will scream at her or leave her on the sopping wet ground. But she probably didn’t anticipate Yaz pulling her fragile body close and hugging her tight. Yaz can feel the two hearts thumping against her own ribcage and she decides she never every wants to let go of her ever again.

“I loved you.” Yaz confesses into the Doctor’s shoulder.

“And I still do.” The Doctor replies.

**Author's Note:**

> never written 1k so fast in my life oh my god


End file.
